Just a short one today to promote this podcast with Alison and Jamie from Dementia and Co. I was very honoured to be asked to contribute.
These 2 are based in Singapore and we met through East Kent Dementia Support, ironically. I overshared a bit and they patiently cut the stuff out at my request. So here it is.
Oh dear me. I seem to be the reason everyone is upset. Well I don't seem - I AM the reason. Having wanted to mitigate for any possible confrontation which I would have found unbearable to deal with, I decided to be the conduit of communications between J and my parents and sister while keeping everyone apart.
Big mistake.
In my efforts to mitigate any potential conflict, I ended up getting rather confused and my worries became truths.
For reasons I can't at present go into, it's been deemed best that I go to live in Wells for a bit with Mum and Dad. They are good, solid reasons too.
You may have gathered that I'm not very good at planning or thinking of the future in any way. It doesn't compute in my head and I also find when I visualise the future it's not a nice place. How can it be?
So a combination of panic about the future, trying to mitigate potential conflicts, and keeping people who should be talking apart has led to mistrust between people and a lot of hurt.
This was obviously not my intention, but I guess my declining cognitive faculties and general risk avoidance makes me the least appropriate Director of Comms there could be.
For example, when I explained things to my parents about 'the situation' at home, their natural reaction was to become very protective of me and side with me. Things at this point get a little muddy for me. I remember trying to explain the situation and everyone getting really uppity and adversarial. So I joined in too. I was scared and confused. So many things had been said, ideas and various solutions, which was the end one? My brain was scrambled.
It also appears I am more fickle than I used to be.
Events cascaded until J suggested a Zoom call with everyone. The lead-up was very stressful as I was expecting fireworks, but it has quelled the storm and clear lines of communication have reopened, with me on the touchline cheering on. I still give my thoughts, but it's clear I'm not to be trusted!
I don't even trust me anymore.
I am going to be living in Somerset for the next few months at the end of July/early August, to give everyone here a break. However I want to come back to Kingston every weekend to play D&D though, but it will mean staying in a Premier Inn or on someone's floor.
That's okay.
As long as I can get to see my friends - I've lived in London for most of my life and the densest population of friends is here in and around London - I'll be happy. I have a couple of friends in Wells too, my sister and Mum and Dad, and other friends in Bristol and Cardiff. I shall have to jump on the train and visit them!
You have been warned...
But I will have to make a life in Wells too. There are gamers everywhere so it shouldn't be too difficult. I shall be upfront about my dementia, and I am still a good player and DM. And gamers are an inclusive bunch.
I also have the games holiday to look forward to in October.
And it would still be nice to go on walking holidays with J and Ben and Dr Becks.
But I shall miss both my human and dog friends very much.
