Saturday, December 23, 2023

Holiday Dementia Special!!!!!


Not the title of my difficult third album, but of a little group of some Blue Schoolers from a long time ago,  who gathered together in The Crown last night.

It was a smaller gathering than I expected and as usual with these things some people who said they were coming didn't, and others who said they might didn't. So there.

I had good chats with Ali, Pat, Sarah, Richard, Clare and Anna. It was amazing to all be in the same room. 

(Anna's dog wants to have sex with me. It's difficult. Tbf I probably led him on.)

Get yer coat luv: you've scored.

And today I met Shelley for coffee and took her to see Tanith on her last day at work ever. They hadn't seen each other in years. So that was good.

So many old school friends in 24 hours. It's really nice. And last night I phoned the wrong Claire, but it was really nice to speak to her again so I'm going to call her later for a catch up!

Slightly too much to drink last night but I think I got away with it, apart from the masturbation joke which Ali and Nerys recoiled from. 

Blame it on the FTD. I always do.

Body Dysmorphia

However, the photos of the event were a surprise to me. Instead of the Apollonian figure who looks back at me from the mirror every morning, was the body of a 12 stone weakling with a pot belly. I looked like I have spina bifida - Ian Dury Legs with Purple Ronnie's torso.

Couldn't be bothered to Photoshop my face onto it...

Bloody 'ell. I HAVE got Spina Bifida. Oh, there's always something...

"Gurt big head on 'ee!" "What an Elmer." I can hear you all saying. 

And you'd be right. 

I need to have a full head and body transplant. Maybe for next Xmas. 

Or I'll just have the money instead.

Words were no good anymore!

I've been going round saying odd words. Bungleflumps is at the top of the list. I don't know what it means. I say it a lot.

It just comes out now and again. I have yet to get to the stage of going up to random people and asking: "Do you know Bungleflumps?" "Can you direct me to Bungleflumps?" Or even to the stage of "Are you Bungleflumps? Are you? ARE YOU????"

So for the now, we will keep Bungleflumps at arm's length. I'm sure it will all become clear later.


Do you remember old Bungleflumps? 

Remember what he did to Dicky Price? 


Eric Andre

My latest obsession is Eric Andre. He's a comedian - on the very fringes of theatre. He's a natural successor to Andy Kaufman, Chris Morris, Sacha Baron Coen and Johnny Knoxville. Watching lots of Eric Andre and being hungover has led to this crass bollocks that I am typing now but you are already  reading due to TIME.

His humour is gross-out, hits on the public, making his chat show guests feel very uncomfortable, and inexplicable, surreal stunts.

At the moment I'm trying to watch everything I can. It's a miracle the way he winds people up that he hasn't been seriously hurt by someone.

This is not for the faint-hearted and may truly offend: 

Well, I warned you.


Great gaming week. It got off to a bad start as Monday's was cancelled, but Larry has got the Temple of Elemental Evil up and running (it's a GAME, OK?!) having done a ton of work on it. We're playing it on Roll20 which is an incredible (and complicated) platform to use. But the maps and everything look fantastic. 

Wednesday afternoons are sorted for the foreseeable: thanks for all your hard work Larry!

And then on Thursday I ran Tomb of Annihilation for my Wells group. I really enjoyed it and so did they, which is the main thing.

Also, Patch 5 finally became available for Baldur's Gate 3 on Macs and the difference is awesome - you can now play it again instead of judder-judder-judder; give up.

Also my 20 mini 10-sided dice arrived. 

Xmas has arrived!!!


There you go. Have a nice one.

Sunday, December 10, 2023

Existential angst while unconscious

That empty feeling you have when waking up

 My conscious life is fine. Ambling along, my day consists of few real topics of concern or responsibilities:

  • D&D this and that...
  • Is the Baldur's Gate 3 patch ready for Macs yet? 
  • Haven't heard from Mark for a while. 
  • Oh good, someone I don't like is nearly dead.
  • Oh my god - some dice I've ordered have gone to my old address. (Crisis situation.)
But in my dreams all manner of things are playing out. My true underlying anxieties in other words.

Back in an old job given an impossibly boring and incomprehensible task to do. Sacked but still coming in and deeply unpopular, I feign work whilst feeling the ire of those colleagues who I equally resent.

Or I'm retaking my A-levels and haven't been to a single lesson.

Blanked by neighbours I knew for 8 years of my life.

(These are all dreams by the way.)

"Geraint Davies - A Life Wasted."

The huge duvet is often nearly on the floor when I awake, pillows have rearranged themselves, teeth ground and groggy semi-consciousness. 

Had I not been the angst-filled kid I was, I may have climbed higher, had more ambition, more...greed?

As a result I am here writing this aged 54 in my parents' house.

At least I have wonderful handwriting and know the correct use of the apostrophe. 

That'll set you up for life, they said. 


I then found my Sertraline pills from yesterday which I'd put out but neglected to take. 

Perhaps that is the reason for this post's existence?

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Arfur Tinkle


Saturday 2nd December. Woke up at 6.30 to freezing fog. It was so cold. As I was up my 82 year old Dad was up too.

"What are you doing up?" I asked, knowing full well what he was up to.

"I'm giving you a lift to the bus station." 

"Don't be daft; I'm going to walk."

"No. You're my son and I'm giving you a lift. It's too cold to walk."

So he gave me a lift.

We sat in the car for 10 minutes and then the coach pulled up. In the queue I met Tanith and Robin, who were going up to see a gig with Tanith's son. 

We were assigned seats but managed to send each other messages on Whatsapp. It's amazing how much 4G signal there is in the world when you leave Wells.

It was a beautiful journey. I wear my noise-cancelling headphones and don't talk to people on the coach. You're quite squished in so I guess I just don't want any more aural or visual information than that as it would overwhelm me and I'd need to get out.

So we arrived at Hammersmith and went for a brunchy-breakfast and had a good old catch-up. It was great fun. Lots of gossip - I do love gossip. 

(Can't tell you what as you'll think I'm bad...)

I then went to the Novotel Hotel 400 meters from the bus station, where the Dragonmeet was and met Tim and his boy Finn, who was clearly not enjoying it. HE's only 10 so he was probably expecting more figures and games going on. Most of what's being sold are books and accessories - big weighty tomes for upwards of £50. Lots of complex rules to digest. A bit much for a 10 year old.

Some 'Great Stuff'

I met Larry, Adrian and Jono and a couple of others too. I bought some great stuff, and spent just over £100. The others spent considerably more. Then we went to The Swan  - a handsome Victorian pub on the corner, and had a couple of beers, then I got the coach home, which despite stopping 4 times managed to get back to Wells within 3 hours. 

It was such a good day. You must come next year.

Baldur's Gate 3

Since Patch 4 Act 3 has become unplayable. I know, right? Us Mac users are still awaiting patch 5 - which the Windows users already have.  

I mean it really is unplayable. 279 hours in and they've messed up the greatest CRPG of all time. 

The characters don't move, there's a 30 second lag every time you make them do something, and the party of 4 characters which is supposed to move as one, don't.

Come on! Fix it!!

So what will I do with all this spare time?  I'll just have to do things like cleaning the house, putting up shelves, walking the dog, having a shave...

I could be using my time properly to save the world.


I meet lots of dog walkers when I'm out with Tomos, and we chat and things. One woman to whom I told I have FTD, now walks the other way. 

Or maybe she was just going the other way anyway...See? 

As I walk Tomos I wonder if they know I'm weird. Am I coming across as a demented when I'm trying to act normal. Maybe I shouldn't have said to that woman,

"...and I should charge 20 guineas a time, my good woman!" (for Tomos's personal training services to other dogs.} 

I think charging in guineas is hilarious. She probably just thinks I'm a looney.

I mean I am a bit anyway. Always was to a lesser extent. Now I'm a demented I don't know how much of it comes across. 

I seem to be able to chat with anyone about dogs. Some owners in Wells are quite snooty. The middle classes never fail to entertain. The entitled/aspirational ones in SW London /Surrey with the electric 4x4s and the bottle-blonde wives, the ones in Wells with the Liberty's scarves and Harris tweeds with their noses up in the air. 

The aspirational middle-classes, providing comedic value since the time of Chaucer.

Makes me laugh.

But they know. They know I'm demented. 


The musical what I wrote

So today I walked around composing a musical in the style of those 60s chirpy cockney types, with Tommy Steele, Rita Tushingham and of course Anthony Newley

So it's called 'Arfur Tinkle', the tale of an unfortunately surnamed chirpy cockney who's endured a lifetime of piss-taking.

That's as far as I've got, apart from a few Tommy Steele and Antony Newley impressions I did while walking through the market this morning. 

Luckily no one suspects I'm demented...