50% of us are below average

Reliable Sauce

According to theoretical physicists, in approximately 3-4 billion years the sun will swell to engulf planet earth, and to make matters worse the Andromeda galaxy will collide with our own.

According to Raymond Blanc, the best watercress is to be found in Oxfordshire.

According to a wealthy couple I know, it's best to avoid the world and just enjoy yourselves in a cosy bubble of indulgence.

According to many Christian fundamentalists, the earth is between 6-10,000 years old.

According to the Daily Mail, a glass of red wine a day is very good for you.

According to the Catholic Church, transubstantiation turns the bread and wine into the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ.

According to Trump, Haitians are eating people's cats and dogs in Springfield, Ohio.

According to Mother Teresa, the biggest threat to world peace is abortion.

According to my neighbour, 5G masts will make our brains compliant with however the Deep State wants us to behave.

According to Liz Truss, Kier Starmer should cease and desist from defaming her 'reputation' by claiming she crashed the economy.

According to the Daily Mail, alcohol of any kind is very bad for you.

According to that weird couple in the pub, white people in the UK are being systematically replaced by brown people.

According to statistics 50% of people in the UK are of below average intelligence.

According to Elon Musk, the prevalence of DEI in the Los Angeles fire department meant more people died in fires as not enough firefighters were white men.

According to Mark Zuckerberg, we don't need fact-checkers on social media anymore.

According to my Dad the best slippers are to be found in Swansea.

Ethics or Morals?

The difference: simply put, morals are our personal code of behaviour, while ethics are more of a societal code, for example medical ethics and the social mores of things such as dinner parties, fairness, generosity, helping; that kind of thing. Principles that keep our society fair and just.

I can confuse myself very easily these days, so what do I want to talk about? Ah yes, these statistics.

According to JL research, when asked whether running the UK with a strong leader who doesn't have to bother with parliament or elections:

61% of 18-34 year olds agreed.

49% of 35-54 year olds agreed.

29% of over 55s agreed.

Generations of people who’ve come into this world with no concept let alone interest of anything that preceded their existence, even by a generation. As ethics is not taught, nor social history, it would seem little wonder they have no appreciation and completely take for granted the rights they have in a liberal democracy, which previous generations struggled for and who some even gave their lives for. 

Feminism for example. I can think of young women who say they're not feminists but who would be horrified at the world even 15-20 years ago. 

As LP Harltey said: 'The past is a different country. They do things differently there.'

Fran Liebovitz said of the 'me too' movement that up until this point she just accepted the world had always been a sexist patriarchy, and then suddenly it just changed seemingly last week. 

But it’s taken centuries to get to this point, and a lot of brave individuals putting themselves into the spotlight and often paying the consequences.

We have huge problems in our society. Extremist and populist groups are very good at exploiting these things, offering simple solutions to very complicated, difficult problems, usually in the form of blaming this group or that for our woes.

This ties in with the recent US election and their culture wars, where the Democrats were accused of only paying attention to women's rights, when boys' educational standards are dropping, male suicide is trending upwards, and males just hear they are to blame for the bad stuff in the world.

Here is a terrific interview with a guy called Richard Reeves who runs a think tank in the States, and has written a book called "Of Boys and Men". Instead of using emotive language and blaming huge sections of society with phrases like 'Toxic Masculinity" he says we can emancipate women and help young men at the same time. We don't just have to help one group at a time.

I'm also shallow and male enough to say I don't think I'd be able to speak if Desi Lydic interviewed me. She's so beautiful, smart and funny I'd probably melt into a giggling puddle of patheticness.

Tiredosity

It's been pretty cold here in Northern Europe. It is winter after all. 

I always think my wanting to stay in bed at this time of year is atavistic for when our pre-human incarnations hibernated.

It's so lovely under my duvet. It really is. 

There's plenty of room...

But you should know I sleep with my socks on - restless feet. And wearing socks to bed is proven to help you get to sleep faster!

And of course it is very sexy.

Gaming

The other day when I Dungeon Mastered a 2-day Dungeons and Dragons adventure for the Pilton delinquents, I was very tired. It took me about 5 days to get over it in the end. 

Cue massive lie-ins at the weekend.

In fact gaming is coming back online - Thursdays, Mondays, and now Wednesdays , and the occasional Friday. Hurrah.

I DM'd last night - Thursdays have been erratic for a while now but I think we're back online now, even though we meet up in person. A new Wednesday session via an online platrform with Jono, Larry and Adrian is forthcoming, and the Mondays we (Sacha, Boyd, Tim Eddie and I) play on Zoom is going well.

Thank the gods. I need gaming. I need that dopamine hit, I need to fuel my imagination, I need to interact with other humans, I need to riff and do arithmetic and descibe incredible scenes to people. 

I got really excited before the game, picturing the journey the party makes underwater on the back of a whale. So I was able to describe it really well.

The previous part of the adventure was a mess, but this is far more tangible in my mind, and by all accounts we had a better experience as a group because of that.

In other news, Tomos (the spaniel who I walk every weekday)is very naughty at the moment. He's nearly 2 which I guess equates to being a teenager. He's very naughty and he's a terrible coprophagiac.

In fact, he's acting like a punk rocker.

I'm rambling.

"Here lies Reginald Iolanthe Perrin. He knew not the names of the flowers, the plants and the trees, but he did know the strawberry dessert figures for Schleswig-Holstein."

The best writer since sliced bread

The subtleties of language

I read in the paper, that pompous old curmudgeon Kingsley Amis in his book 'The King's English', bemoaned how illiterate the world had become that he was having to devote a chapter to the difference between 'he might' and 'he may',

I had to think about this and without having had an extensive education in English grammar (comprehensive education - in the UK sense) I had to think about the context and tone of the two phrases. 

If you think about a rich boy and a poor boy, the rich boy may get in to Oxford, but the poor boy might if he tries hard enough. 

Or you ask your uncle if he has a non-percussive drill bit. If he's a DIY enthusiast he may just have one. If he only dabbles now and again he might have one.

'May' is just the higher likelihood.

That's it. 

Aural hallucinations 

I always put on ambient music from the Calm app when I go to bed. I have to have absolute darkness as well, so I wear a silk eye-mask which every time I wake (at least once every night for a pee) is around my neck.

But I've recently been hearing music in white noise, and the other night just as I was dozing off a trumpet fanfare. 

Bear in mind this was at 1am and despite it coming from the music room - and we do possess a trumpet - no one was minded play it at that time.

Luckily it only lasted a second, but it was a little startling.

Coupled with my slight visual hallucinations of white objects in my peripheral vision suddenly pinging into existence like a like they've just been switched on, this must be a taste of things to come.         

Pilton psychos

I just spent 2 days Dming in Pilton for the older kids. It was good fun, but as usual utterly exhausting. I realised on Thursday that the adventure I'd hoped would last the 2 days was almost complete, so I spent another couple of hours on Thursday evening setting up a concluding part. 

It was a bit of an obvious adjunct to the first part but their parents had paid for the time so that was all that was important. 

The whole premise was the party had met up as the only non-goblins at an ancient citadel. One of the party had found a large oval crystal on a dead goblin. They fled the citadel with the goblins in pursuit, fleeing into a valley. But the goblins eventually caught up with them and a battle ensued, ending with a stray arrow hitting a hornets' next and scattering the gobbos.

The main part of the quest was a whodunnit as 2 warring families in a vibrant market each accuse the other of sabotaging their respective businesses. 

Initially the traders were reluctant to talk to strangers, so the party had to endear themselves to the locals by taking part in 'It's a Knockout'-style games, and the locals would more readily impart clues that would lead the party to come to a conclusion.

The lad to my left was getting frustrated as he just wanted his character to kill everything then set fire to what was left, so for the last part on Friday I put in a ton of extreme violence to satisfy him. 

We were like that at his age too, and look how well we turned out!

Kids, eh?

I guess this is how writers of sagas set things up - have a bunch of threads which you don't know initially where they’re going to go, but which you can work out later. 

It's better to have unresolved threads which can become plot-hooks, than none at all.

Not having them means you have to start again with a brand new adventure each time. 

3 days later and I'm still absolutely wiped out by this 2 day session.  

What I'm reading

Earth to Moon - by Moon Unit Zappa. Autobiographical tale of growing up in a counter-culture family with a workaholic artist for a father and a long-suffering wife for a mother. 

I'd read the real frank Zappa Book which was pretty dissatisfying. This is far more honest and thorough as to how Frank’s behaviour affected his family. For instance, he would sometimes return from long tours with a groupie to sleep with - leaving his wife Gail upstairs to sleep on her own. Nice. 

Then he’d be in his recording studio in the basement for the rest of the time, sleeping during the day.

So we see the flip side of the artist - the solipsistic, narcissistic, self-indulgent, tyrant. The art comes first; everything else is secondary. The genius must be tapped.

The parents would wander round naked, and shout at each other, there were murals of orgies the kids hated and all the while her mother got increasingly frustrated and angry.

All Moon wanted was to spend time with her dad and get a hug from her mum, which were never forthcoming.

Moon writes brilliantly and I'd give it an 8/10.

I'm also reading another autobiography, this time by Adrian Edmondson, called 'Berserker.' It's supposed to be funny but having been a fan of Rik and Ade back in the day, the humour feels so familiar that I feel I've heard all these jokes before. 

I'll plod on with it as I'm still at the beginning.

What I'm watching

I was watching multiple YouTube videos on politics, but it's just an endless loop of the same shit. 

So then I started watching interviews with the very out-there maverick film makers I really like - David Lynch, Russ Meyer, John Waters and Werner Herzog.

Great Russ Meyer montage from Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, but may be a bit rude for Alison...

Waters and Herzog are just brilliant speakers and I could listen to them for days. I do a pretty good Werner Herzog impression. He is a one-off and his early works like The Enigma of Caspar Hauser are like a Bruegel painting come to life. He doesn't make films like other people. His documentaries are also wonderful.

John Waters is a great raconteur and there are a ton of interviews on YouTube which are hilarious. The 'Pope of Trash' started off making films with all his misfit friends in the late 60s and ended up making Hairspray (the original - not the musical), Cry Baby and Serial Mom - the latter which I've never seen. 

Herzog shares a joke with his leading man

It's nice to see people like this succeed, especially when cinema is dominated by the likes of James Cameron and Michael Bay🤮.

I've also watched Silo season 2 on Apple TV which is terrific. And I'm currently rewatching the totally unique Severance, created by Ben Stiller, in preparation for season 2 which premiers on January 17th.

The most original programme in years

Plans for 2025

The usual: drink less, exercise more, go to the cinema, theatre and take some walks in the country. 

What's more important than the above is to improve my rather crap social life by visiting friends.

So ideally all of the above but with an emphasis on getting out and about - which is precisely what Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD) prevents you from doing! The old executive functions being offline and all that.

I shall have to battle forth and keep going.

VERDICT: Must try harder!

Festive Rants and Rambles

Why I'm brilliant

Or rather, why I don't work anymore. In a word: Customer relations. 

(I can't count either.)

These are actual WhatsApp conversations I had with prospective clients.

Frontotemporal Dementia (or FTD to friends): the gift that keeps on giving!

I love the 'olden ones'. Perhaps a prog-rock or space-rock supergroup? And the last guy I did actually message him back explaining I was mad and that I couldn't help it, and told him why the arch was rubbish.

I'm nice really.

Middle-classed parents

The child who breaks all of your child's toys when he/she/they come round. 

When pointed out to the owner of said child, owner replies:

"You're stifling Ptolomy’s id! They are merely expressing themself."

Said child allowed to run amok with zero boundaries, while the parents order another bottle of Prosecco so they can have one up each arsehole and continue to ignore horror offspring.

This laissez-faire parenting policy is repeated in restaurants and pub gardens up and down the country.

Shite Authors who are considered good

Paulo Coelho - the orange squash of philosophy and spirituality. Homeopathic philosopher - diluted 10 to the 23rd time. Zero efficaciousness but it does come in a ludicrous glass with umbrellas to look the part, and a ton of saccharin.

Alex Garland - That bloody 💩 novel in Thailand - no plot until the last 30 pages where everyone gets gunned down.

Good.

Nick effing Hornby. Everything he ever did. Anodyne writing for the masses - like every Richard cocking Curtis film.

The dribblings from one's anus during one's worst experience of Christmas norovirus, made movie.

Tsundoku

I really must stop doing this: buying books. 

I find it harder to knuckle down and read when I have YouTube and Mortal Kombat 11 at my fingertips. A bargain at £3.99 on Steam.

Proper literature this.

I hear Alan Bennett has the same problem, although he's more of a Tekken man.

I'm getting through them, but I often go to the pub to read them away from any distractions. That's too much booze though. See, I have always had an indulgent personality, whether it's chocolate, Lego, D&D, sweets, Trump, booze, fitness, anal, you name it.

I was addicted to the gym in my 20s. Worked as a mason in the daytimes and did 3 sessions in the gym (mainly circuits) and swam twice. 

I looked particularly magnificent in my socks and pants. 

I would parade around and everyone would shout 'Hooray!'

Swimming's probably my favourite exercise but I don't like most pools. I'm totally the wrong shape for swimming despite having the silhouette of a tadpole.

So back to the books. I'm getting through them, but reading is more of an uphill battle than ever. First of all it's knuckling down to do it.

Retaining the information is also tougher. 

But, it's a challenge, and I need challenges.

The Assisted Dying Bill

I think you should be able to die if you're just fed up with it all. People who are suffering, miserable, hate each day they wake up, hate the world, their friends have all died, that kind of thing.

I mean if there's no enjoyment at all what's the bloody point?

If you were doing a job you absolutely hated that made you depressed, estranged your wife, pissed off your kids, the dog hates you, the goldfish looks at you funny, you'd quit wouldn't you? 

Be mad not to.

If someone's fed up with life shouldn't they be able to do the same? 

That's my argument. Right there.

Imagine going through life with that name. Poor bloke.

Mr Yesssss...

Ollie and I were installing some York Stone steps many years ago. It was right by Wormwood Scrubs (what a Dickensian name for a prison!) and we always said hello to people passing by. It made the day a bit jollier.

A second hand golf parked a few doors up and a couple in their late 50s got out. 

"Hello."I said, cheerfully.

You may not believe I can be cheerful but I can, honest guv.

The wife went indoors, and the bloke just looked at us and said.

"Yesssss..." in a nasally Brian Sewell voice.

That was it.

He was henceforth referred to as Mr Yesssss. His wife looked very long-suffering. Any joy had long since been etched out of her face.

I left the job and Ollie finished it. Mr Yesssss... approached him to do some work. 

"I go sailing with Norman at the weekend."

Oh yeah? I'll bet you do.

"Do you sail? Are you a member of the Croooozzzzing Azzociation?" 

"Are you a punter...or a shunter?"

I'm not really au fait with nautical terminology.

So I imagined these conversations said in that ridiculous voice. Keeps me amused to this day.

I went to Glastonbury...and liked it.

This time was better. There are fewer tat shops - crystals and shit. More of a variery, including a rather ragtag comic and games shop.

I went to Star Child where Gothic Image had been for 40 years. Beautiful incense wafting around, reminding me of really nice times from decades ago, so I bought an incense burner and some 'erbz to go innit. 

Smell is the most evocative of the senses. Ask Wilbur: last time I went there with him he weed on a cardboard box in the shop. 

Promptly scarpered, we did.

I looked in bookshops. I had a coffee. I looked at the murals painted on the sides of the buildings, and went inside the lovely St John's Church.

In the afternoon I went with Nerys to The Bishop's Palace in Wells for the Xmas lights. They lit the Gothic architecture and the trees really nicely, then there was the tacky stuff - where you could walk through heart archways of lights. 

A bit Vegas for the Anglicans, in my book, but hey.

They opened the interior too. Some lovely stuff.

Bishop's Palace with moat and drawbridge.

"She's got Marty Feldman eyes..."

Hand-printed wallpaper

Cathedral with bin

I'm great, me.

Oh, to be a starfish...

Quantum decline

You take it for granted for ages. The “situation” in the background, you know, [whispers] dementia!

Then you go through a couple of days of a trough, which turns into 5 or 7, and you realise you’ve taken a small but significant step down in your abilities.

Concentration at an all time low. Every time I try to read and prepare for D&D the detail of most of it is lost, so much so at times that when it comes to running the game it feels like I’m reading the passage for the first time. 

My prep is like this: procrastinate, procrastinate, read half-heartedly, procrastinate, read thoroughly and make notes, do nothing on the day of the game, read the notes haphazardly in a hurry - eyes darting all over the page - ditto for the actual original text, then run game. 

It’s an effort. Fuck I wish it wasn’t like this. Am I getting away with it? 

I asked and one person said it was noticeable how I'm not as on it as I once was but it was still really good, and the other person said they hadn't detected any decline at all. 

I like to think I’m experienced enough to provide a decent experience for everyone - myself included.

Suffice to say this is the new reality. 

Also some occasional minor hallucinations: white objects like my Apple mouse which in my peripheral vision suddenly burst into view like a firing flash gun set at F2.

I’m going to have to up my dose of Sertraline from 100mgs to 150mgs for a while. Finding it all a bit difficult. The noise of busy pubs; sitting indoors, not finding any satisfaction in YouTube clips or much else for that matter. 

Like a smoker who can’t afford cigarettes, or the straight-jacketed man with itchy balls. 

Just restless: an unquenchable thirst for a drink that doesn’t exist. 

At least I can still string a sentence together, spot typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors (are they ever not errors these days?) with alarming speed - like Robocop spotting perps in his multiple cross-hairs.

My handwriting still receives compliments. 

Forgetting my multiplication times tables now. Had to think what 7x8s were. Known them off by heart since I was 9.

You lucky, lucky bastard.

And you 'n all.

Politics 

I still think I’m over-qualified for Trump's cabinet.

I’m not a rapist, or a tax evader, or a fraud of any kind. In fact I haven’t done anything to be pardoned by him yet. 

So no ambassadorships or secretary of state jobs.

I am completely unqualified for any post in government, which oddly enough would actually make me qualified in this (mad) instance.

I’m better informed than Tulsi Gabbard who repeats verbatim RT propaganda like a Talking Barbski doll-bot and of course RFK Jr who seems to be just a very damaged person through drug-use and personal trauma.

Despite my dementia I’d be much better than this shower.

Trouble is the MAGA crowd would accuse me of being a DEI pick and that wouldn’t be a good look for Trump or Project 2025.

Sod it then. It's CEO of the World Bank for me.

Plutocrats 

Just as Elon Musk spent hundreds of millions of dollars getting the stooge known as Trump back into office, the Reform Party is Musk's next project. They are of course natural bedfellows.

Another one in the mix is Nick Candy - the property developer, who in a Sunday Times interview today quite openly speaks about his fondness for Saudi Arabia and its society: its great quality of life and law and order.

Wow. Think about this for a moment. Saudi and many of the Emirates states have the most appalling human rights records, a catalogued history of indentured workforces, the scandal about the workers who built the Burj Khalifa and many other erectile dysfunction buildings in that part of the world.

But what amazes me these days is that somehow, at some point the concept of democracy became devalued. People now speak openly about appalling regimes and dictators as though these are great people running great societies. The MAGA movement led by Trump, Tucker Carlson, Tulsi Gabbard praising Victor Orban, Poot'n, Xi of China. All autocrats with appalling human rights records, especially for women and LGBTQ+.

I just can't believe how up-front they are about it too. There's almost no attempt to hide their undemocratic leanings. I assume they operate in echo-chambers for them to think this is 'normal'.

These billionaires who manipulate the media like never before are out to get even richer, dividing the wealth of the world up between themselves like the oligarchs they are, depending on ordinary people to vote them in.

Already Trump is pulling back on his promise to make groceries more affordable - one of the promises he made in the election.

I cannot believe we've come to this point. People died in the Peasant's Revolt, The Peterloo Massacre, Chartism, Trades unions and the suffragette movement, to have human rights, to be recognised by those holding power as fellow humans with a stake in society ie. the vote.

Is it that history has become irrelevant due to ignorance?

- Forget it G - that happened a long time ago. It's history.

- What, like Jesus?

If it looks like fascism smells like fascism and acts like fascism, it's probably fascism. 

I've lost friends who have swallowed this shit hook line and stinker. And I'm prepared to lose more any who fall into this vortex of bigotry and hatefulness.

They're laughing at us.

And finally...

Had to throw 2 pairs of pants out this week: structural integrity of the gusset. Quite the disappointment. These things all happen at the same time don’t they? Waves of exploding heels on socks, disintegrated gussets and holes in your favourite t-shirts. 

These things happen in clusters don't they?

One thing’s for sure, I shan’t be buying nylon pants ever again. 

I shall rest my brain here, thank you.

 Would you like to rest your brain?

I would like to rest my brain yes.

Where would you like to rest your brain?

I would like to rest it here, by the cyanide.

Then rest your brain there.

I shall. Thank you.

And I lie as to rest my brain, right there.

How are you resting your brain?

I am resting my brain by putting it on its side.

I am merely listening to the wind and the rustle of trees,

I am very content here.

I do not want to move my brain.

It is very nice where it is.

What do you like about listening to the trees?

Oh shut up.

A wild cauliflower

Fizzy Brains

Pigeon Holes (or lack thereof)

I've heard barristers describing the brain working like a set of pigeon holes. Really clever people have more than others - each holding vast amounts of information and FACTS (remember them?) to be accessed on a need-to basis. 

As soon as they take on another case the pigeon holes they used for the previous case are emptied and filled with the new information so they become an expert in the new case. 

That's a well-oiled brain.

On a good day, I have probably 2 pigeon holes. Which is why when a task is undertaken and someone asks me something, I can be immediately derailed and the thing I was going to do is long forgotten, or the object I was holding lost, discarded.

I have to replay my previous steps and actions in order to find my iPad, book, keys or whatever it was I was holding, when , for instance, someone asked me a question that wasn't related to what I was doing.

A highly inefficient way to be, constantly looking for your stuff.

This is what my life was like in the last few years of work. It was just hopeless. Having to concentrate on the job in hand and remind myself what I was supposed to be doing. I needed to do everything with blinkers on - tunnel-vision - staring Linford Christie-like at the finish line. 

Any distractions and the vision and job in hand are lost. 

Start again.

People still ask me if I'm going to return to stonemasonry. It's difficult to explain to them how exhausting it can be just to get a job done as it requires so much more conscious awareness - concentration - to complete relatively simple tasks - and with that comes the mental tiredness.

I'm drooling more and more from the right hand side of my gob. This is a dementia symptom believe it or not.

So no, I'm really not in a position to return to work. 

Ever.

Goblins Reunited

Yesterday I went to Dragonmeet, which is the annual RPG and boardgaming expo in Hammersmith. I took the coach up from Wells, which terminates in Hammersmith bus station, and then walked the 5 minutes to the Novatel Hotel which hosts it.

The definition of convenience!

 Jono and I moved away from SW London roughly the same time. We were mainstays at Kingston Gaming Club. I was known for being bossy, but you have to be - if people don't make the commitment to coming on time every week, the group loses out, and it just dies a death. You have to be honest.

These days people think nothing of not turning up or texting they can't make it on the morning of the event. Bear in mind some people travel for at least an hour to get there, and would like to organise their social lives too.

I'm one of those people who was brought up to believe lateness was rude. And there really is no excuse for not communicating if there's a problem in this day and age.

Rant over.

So, Jono, Adrian, Larry and myself went around the place. One of the standout observations was the lack of official Dungeons and Dragons accessories on sale. WoTC (the owners) have never even had a stand there.

Mainly it's the smaller independent companies. These are people who write, produce and sell their own products. 

Truly labours of love. 

Mongoose, who produce Traveller, were there. All 4 of them. This is a global science-fiction RPG and it's a tiny, tiny company with a hugely loyal fanbase too. I saw the book they produce for physicists who play a maths based version, where they work out the velocity of a craft travelling at X which then slingshots round a gas-giant 3 times the size of Jupiter but with only 75% of the gravity...

Something for everyone!

I bought a D&D compatible adventure called 'Against the Faerie Queen' which is a role-play-heavy (rather than combat) epic fantasy adventure based in post-Romano Britain. It won't suit everybody, as it's more about lore, diplomacy, politics and role-playing.

It won't be for everybody, and people struggle when it comes to correctly pronouncing Welsh words. 

But I love the fact Celtic in this sense refers to Welsh Celtic rather than Irish Celtic, as it so often does.

I also had a kickstarter arrive the other day which is like D&D set in a gonzo future and televised...so much to read!

Tsundoku or what??

At Dragonmeet I met Ian Livingstone, co-founder of Games Workshop, who with Steve Jackson invented the Fighting Fantasy Gamebook which brought so much joy to my teenage life. I shook him by the hand and thanked him, then he struggled with the PDQ machine (I thought he'd have a minion for that) and signed my book.

I bought presents for my Thursday lot. I hope they like them!

Had a really good chat with Larry about socks, and why they are important. 

Met Tyrone, Peter and John Bryant too.

It was such a proper geek and nerd-fest. The sights, sounds and smells were just brilliant. Great to see younger people there too - not just us sad old beardies.

The overheard conversations were a joy to behold - '...of course I was just using the beta part of my brain in that scenario..."

-----------------------------

It's come to my attention recently that I am not playing nearly enough role-playing games.

Seriously. 

I have gone slightly doolally or at least higher up the doolally scale without it.

It gives me something to aim and work for in the week. It’s intensely taxing on my grey matter. It’s the most intense of social interactions with high emotions, adrenalin, arithmetic, acting and other things beginning with A.

It also keeps me out of the boozer.

If I don’t get my fix I get rather…grumpy, lazy, listless, depressed all of which is a virtuous circle. 

Good news is that Jono/Adrian/Larry will be running a Traveller campaign online on Wednesdays from that London/Plymouth.

Hoorah!

Official Dungeon of Dementia T-shirts!

I've been working on these for minutes.

Available in XXXM. 

Payment options: postal order only

103 Guineas per item. 

3 for the price of 4.

Disclaimer: Dungeon of Dementia accepts no responsibility for fights, hospital bills, loss of limb or any other negative outcomes incurred when wearing its apparel.

No cure for stupid

I realise you don't want to talk about politics

I get it. I do .

The last post had the fewest clicks in years. Lol.

But really. Come on...

Okay, okay, I'll stop.

I'll talk about FTD then, and all my problems associated with it.

But I'll try and keep it light.

Baby-bio for brains

We set the bar too low these days. My experience at the Beeb was that the programme-makers thought the audience were completely stupid. I was told to rewrite certain parts of the fact-sheet that accompanied the programme as it contained words longer than one syllable.

I'm not making this up.

Yet the people making the programme were rather dull themselves. 

Educated, yes. Clever, no.

 I guess it could be perceived as projection. I think they thought they were really intelligent. They were certainly deluded if they did think that.

Now the bar is so low in the Kensington museums that a bright 12 year old would probably feel he or she were being talked down to. 

More relatable, innit?

When your brain is atrophying, you have to try harder than ever to keep those plates spinning - voice, language - stimulating it by using those senses, completing sudokus and crosswords. Keep pumping oxygen and blood through the grey matter and fight against the inevitable to maintain functionality for as long as possible.

I play RPG games as you know, which require multiple skills. 

I still need social-interaction which can - with people I don't know so well - be awkward. 

I understand this is very much how certain people with autism experience the world.

I want to be really smart, but...

I watch discussion programmes and lectures on politics and philosophy which are beyond my pay-grade, but how else are you supposed to learn or achieve anything if you don't set the bar high?

So I've been watching anything with Christopher Hitchens, Stephen Fry, Vlad Vexler, and archival episodes of Firing Line - a highbrow interview programme which was the vehicle (I cannot spell vehical, vehichal, veichal!) of William F Buckley Jr, a conservative political philosopher who hugely influenced the Reagan administration.

Now before you all say I'm drifting off to the right hear me out.

Being in an echo-chamber is something I try to avoid. I inevitably take the role of devil's advocate when everyone is earnestly nodding heads and wringing hands. There is a prevailing belief these days that our political opponents are not only wrong but inherently bad. 

No doubt some of them are - and I don't even count alt- or far-right wingers whose bigotry I have no time for. I want to understand conservatives and have my beliefs challenged. 

I want to be able to think. And the freest societies allow both sides.

Buckley and Gore Vidal famously debated on The ABC network on the advent of the 1968 US election.

They hated each other and Buckley got close to punching Vidal live on the programme when Vidal goaded him by calling him a Nazi.

Vidal was extremely clever, a master of rhetoric, charismatic, smug, arrogant and a member of the US aristocracy (for they have one).

A drunk Norman Mailer famously head-butted Vidal backstage from a Dick Cavett show in the early 70s. So Vidal had quite the track record.

But while I disagree fundamentally with almost all of Buckley's politics, he challenges, makes some very interesting and persuasive arguments and his interviews on the whole are good-natured and are an exchange or arm-wrestle of ideas.

He had mannerisms and affectations along with a mid-Atlantic drawl (he spent some of his childhood in public school in Windsor) which made him very easy to impersonate.

I cannot - CANNOT - listen to Noam Chomsky. He's so unutterably dull and intransigent. His views to me seem rather stuck in the 1970s. 

Ditto Mailer, who spent his life trying to out-Hemingway Hemingway. He was an anachronism by the late 60s.

So anyway, that's what I'm doing. 

Dad's downstairs watching 'Cash in the Attic'. 

I would like to sit downstairs and read or something, but I can't concentrate with that on. 

It occurred to me that Dad may have ADHD - he needs background noise.

Regrets

Everyday. By the skipful. I dream them. I wake up with them.

If you have none I think you're in total denial of reality or your self.

All the fuck-ups from childhood to present day, although the vast majority are from age 25-40. 

Not standing up for myself, being drunk and stupid, losing all hope and drive in my late 20s, which I realise was depression.

Usually just episodes of patheticness.

Yesterday I went into Wells, I had 3 pints in the afternoon and sat in the pub with my headphones on and read. It got really busy .

In the evening I drank 3 bottles of beer. So, a 6-pint day. 

Last Saturday was a 9-pint day. 4 in the afternoon, 5 in the evening. On my own, in the pub.

Not good is it? I didn't even feel particularly drunk, though I screamed at some balaclava'd youth cycling on the pavement with no lights on his bike.

Arthritis is taking hold of my fingers and shoulders too. 

Yet, whilst just listing these things I don't feel self-pity, rather frustration at past failures to make constructive decisions coupled with a total incapability of planning for the future.

I don't know how you'd plan for the past...

I am, however, very bored.

Have I kept it light?

Oh.

Try this then:

"Do you do dice swaps?"

Asked the 10 year old girl. 

"Sorry?"

"Do you do dice swaps?"

"What?? Certainly not!" I replied, incredulously. While inwardly raging "GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!!!"

She looked puzzled. Everyone does dice swaps, surely?

Why would I want her glittery dice, all covered in sticky, sugary child-goo?

'Gusting. 'GUSTING!

What was she thinking?

There was an uncomfortable silence as we realised we inhabited 2 separate worlds.

These are MY dice. Those are YOUR dice. And never...the...twain. Do you understand?

GOOD. 

Then we'll speak no more about it. 

No, no, NO!

She hung around awkwardly for a bit, then walked off. 

I think she learned a valuable lesson from that, and she'll thank me one day, mark my words.

And as for the teenagers who neglect to bring a dice and pencil to a role-playing game - A ROLE-PLAYING GAME!!!!! - then wish to borrow MY dice and stationery to duly SOIL with their greasy and detritus-laden fingers?

What is this?

What has the world come to?

Standards have slipped since my day. I blame the permissive society and post war funk.

I could go on.

Oh. Okay...

Vote Wilbur!

 Wilbur - a Eulogy

I called J as I was passing the house. That happy/sad feeling of nostalgia. 

Like listening to an Abba song.

Wilbur ran out to see me, falling base over apex, but he recognised me instantly. I think we were both in shock at seeing each other again.

I was once contemplating setting up a website called Wilbur’s Shits, which rather like those swatches of marbles and granites would show the subtleties and differences from say yellow ochre to jet black with carrots in. 

I never did it of course but now I’ve given you the idea, haven’t I?

I’m good at that. Many of Rob Porteous’s commercials were my ideas.

I never did get that pint, Rob…

ROB!?

Anyway,  Wilbur was a year old when I met him. I didn't like him at first. He used to sleep on the bed, and I would shoo him off. He would try and eat everything. He would have these frond like hairs over his face that used to drive me nuts. 

I just thought it was slovenly.

Always one for the underdog, was Wilbur.

Over time, I gave up and actively encouraged him to sleep on our bed, made canapés for him, introduced him to the finest cheeses in the world, took him to D&D sessions, and shared bananas and other exotic foodstuffs with him. 

He rarely moved, choosing to teleport instead with pizza in his gob, out to the garden to munch it.

He would growl if you came near him - only when he got older.

I used to say he was the only one who was pleased to see me when I got home from work.

He came on games holiday with me. It all went wrong when he discovered the compost patch on the farm we were staying and after gorging himself on rotten apples barfed it all up at 2am in my room.

He was a puker and a shitter; that much is true.

In fact he was obsessed with food. Like a lot of show-cockers, he possessed an under-active thyroid and by the end was blind with cataracts, deaf, senile and had had some strokes.

I ended up loving Wilbur, and it was great to see him just before he shook off this mortal bone.

Dogs are just great. 

We see in them the kindness, honesty and unconditional love we wish we possessed as humans.

US Election and what now?

Some people don’t understand how you can get so embroiled in US politics when you don’t live there. 

I’d say the repercussions on the geo-politics of the world are going to be felt by everyone. 

Trump's policy of isolationism is going to affect the war in Ukraine, the world’s economies, Europe, the balance of power with India, China and Russia, not to mention Taiwan…

The tariffs alone will affect our GDP and growth. and Europe's even more.

(As an aside there has been a spike in search terms on Google for "What is a tariff?" and "Are tariffs good?" in swing states, after the election...)

Just watching the election post-mortems on YouTube, TV and in the paper. I know I know - these are ancient monoliths people have no time for anymore. 

Frank Zappa said American culture can be summed up in ‘what’s the bottom line?’ I recognise people hadn’t felt Biden’s policies had improved their cost of living, and the Democrats were talking or accused of being obsessed with identity politics. 

However, the economy is booming, more jobs have been created than in decades, people are - despite the prevailing zeitgeist - improving their standard of living. And yet and yet...

"They're poisoning the blood of our country."

"They're eating the dogs and cats; people's pets."

Blaming poor people and immigrants, the traditional methods of the far right.

Zappa also warned of America turning into a fascist theocracy in time, which most people of course ignored. 

Check out a guy called Doug Coe and an institution called “The Fellowship”. A covert organisation whose intention was to make Christianity at the heart of US politics, despite the Founding Fathers writing a deliberately secular constitution. 

You can see it all starting in the 80s with the Reagans. 

By the way, it’s intentionally non-publicity seeking.

So back to 2024, the Democrats went knocking door-to-door, but the data they were using wasn’t effective in targeting the people Trump’s team had already got through to using digital media.

What the electorate heard were (justifiable) attacks on Trump’s character rather than what would benefit them.

Democrats laughing at people who are clearly dumb and ignorant (MAGA) who don’t agree with you, didn’t help. 

It’s easy to see 5 minutes after the event some of what went wrong..

As Vlad Vexler pointed out, we live in a world of Post-Truth, authoritarian populists who disguise themselves in traditionally Conservative clothing.

They communicate disinformation repeatedly in 5-10 second bites on TikTok. No time for reasoned discussion. No time for journalism. 

Fox News, Rumble; 18 of the top 20 political podcasts are MAGA-supporting. The left or centre are losing the information war.

40 ex-high profile employees of Trump's previous administration have been vocal in their condemnation of Trump saying he is a fascist and utterly unsuited for the position of POTUS.  

Can you name any other president whose previous employees have done that?

What’s so good about democracy anyway?

I thought the whole point of modern democracy was we could get these guys out after 4/5 years get our guys in, and the whole system balances itself out over time.

That will not be the case anymore in many countries. Hungary and Turkey spring to mind immediately. 

In the 90s, after Apartheid and the Soviet Union had fallen, the world felt genuinely good. There was a visceral optimism about where the world was and where it was heading.

How naive we were!

Of course, it proved to be just a blip.

Move forward to 2024 

"Don't bring politics into this!"

Well, I will if you mention Christian nationalists in an anodyne context when they are in fact rather unpleasant people.

Maybe you could learn something by what I'm telling you rather than shoot it down in flames? After all in the 80s during Apartheid, people said the same thing.

"Politics shouldn't come into sport!"

Say that to black athletes not allowed to take part in the Olympics, rugby or cricket because of their skin colour.

Have we all forgotten this or are we simply unaware or uninterested in our most recent past?

When one is tired of Gurn', one is tired of life...

Well, Wells actually, but Gurn’ sounds better.

Jesus it’s small. I haven’t really established the social life I wanted here. Evenings spent inside, drinking, playing on the computer. Not ideal. 

Wandering up and down the barren streets, with the exception of market days when it's joyously bustling, 

An astonishingly acute case of gonorrhoea...

The people I know have busy lives and why should I expect them to make an effort when I haven’t with them prior to living here?

Cue trips away visiting friends. More reading and watching of substantial things. I no longer watch TV other than the news, partly because if something doesn’t grab me entirely - and I’m prepared to watch a couple of episodes - I’m going to drop it. 

I feel the content of most dramas is so lazy or algorhythmical that they just don’t merit watching.

"Oo, let's see how many willies we can get into this programme!" seems to be the remit for most programming.

And Michael Macintyre and Simon Cowell and their ilk must die. 

Trumpian I know...

 Of course, I should be more gregarious but what with the executive functions almost always offline, it’s difficult.  

Bath beckons. So even does Glastonbury, if only - like Camden Market - to remind myself why I haven’t been there for years, and therefore prevent any more silly deluded thoughts for another few years.