Cardigan Watch (incorporating The Cardigan Research Group)

It’s Cardigan Weather

My parents are both prodigious wearers of the devil's accoutrement, which is difficult enough, but now they’re everywhere.

Yes, as the temperature dips for Autumn, they're back.

Sagging woollen things, weighed down by their Buitoni, dangling in my soup (if I had any).

Particularly egregious examples recently - a very long purple one worn by the receptionist at the opticians, with some weird fussy vertical stitch on both sides. Ghastly

A sagging off-colour cream one, been through the wash way too many times, sagging-sagging-sagging almost to the knees of the wearer. 

I seriously almost puked.

This one in the window of some boutique or other owned by a human coat-hanger who thinks she has good taste.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

They’re everywhere. 

Be on your guard.

Baker, Baker, bullshit maker

I was removing some fungus from one of my manly crevices, when I came across some idiotic word dribblings of a certain Gerard Baker in the Friday edition of The Times.

Yes I know - bloody Murdoch press. 

I get it.

But most of the writers have some journalistic integrity.

Ok, SOME.

But this guy is a whole new level of stupid. 

He's the one outed MAGA cheerleader in the paper. And my god it shows.

He joined the Trump filching society and berated Jimmy Kimmel for being offensive in the wake of Charlie Kirk's murder.

Kimmel didn't say anything nasty about Kirk. Quite the opposite.

But he did make fun of Trump's reaction. 

If you don't know, Trump was asked how he was bearing up after his friend's assassination.

" Very well. And if you look over there the bulldozers and diggers are there to make this wonderful ballroom..."

Kimmel added -  superfluously in my opinion - that this was the reaction of a 4 year old mourning his goldfish.

That's what did it.

The Trump appointed leader of their TV watchdog then told ABC - the network responsible for the show - that if they want to do a forthcoming merger they drop Kimmel. 

The same thing happened a few weeks ago to Stephen Colbert of The Late Show.

So comedians and TV networks are already subject to cancellation by the POTUS, simply for making fun of the Trump.

And the C-suite have duly bent the knee to the Dear Leader.

Meanwhile on Fox and Friends, co-host Brian Kilmeade suggested euthanising the homeless.

Nothing.

Despite the first amendment and that being made fun of comes with the territory, Trump is such a snowflake that he has to exact revenge on his detractors.

Just think about that. 

By complete contrast, the most erudite and brilliant writer at the moment is also a Times columnist.

You can read a brilliantly researched article by James Marriott (for it is he) right HERE

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. 

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. 

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Hippies

By fucking you over I’m merely exercising my personal freedom. 

It doesn’t matter! 

Get over it.

I shall go ballistic if you infringe on mine.

La la la. I am the Eloi incarnate. 

I shall make daisy chains and be free and live in peace and harmony in my flat in Westbourne Park Road.

I shall look down my nose at your attitudes and lecture you on righteousness.

For I drive an electric SUV and you a petrol car, puking its shit, poisoning my auras.

All my food is organic and vegan. 

I have a checklist with which to judge you.

Everyone should do what I do.

Give up your job and be free!

The universe will provide!

Now I shall reach over you and drape my rainbow cardigan in your face.

...and I shall shit.

Bapspeak

Kill all non-vegan animals!

Start with a headbutt; follow up with a chainsaw

May I stroke your human?

Videos what you can watch

Been looking at 80s videos recently, uploaded from old analogue VHSs and possibly Betamaxes.

This is a great site called Found Footage Fest. 

Not for everyone - it's more of a niche audience.

"Tiger Moves" is just one of many gems.

And here is an instructional video on bowels, and their correct usage.

Being the 80s, Rapping was a new technology, and it was used very effectively in training a variety of skills, including sandwich making. 

Or 'subs' as the Yanks call them.

I've no idea why they call them that.

And this is...well. What it is.

Enjoy, as the hospitality Nazis say.

So what exactly is matter with your brain, then?

Brain Shit

Mild reduced metabolic activity in parietal lobes bilaterally and prominent reduction in corpus callosum and anterior cingulate gyrus region bilaterally.

That's what the CT scan results said in October 2024. So as I never had a follow-up consultation, I went online for Google's AI to interpret it into some basic English I might understand.

I like colouring in cauliflowers. Do you?

The Corpus callosum is right at the base of the brain and it connects the two hemispheres. In my case it's atrophied, which means reduced comms between the 2 halves.

So what are the implications of that? 

Reduced cognitive and motor skills. Coordination and so forth between right and left hands for instance. 

Bad luck if you're a musician.

Well the coordination and balance was always shit, but I can type, and yes sir, I can boogie. So not much change there.

But the other symptoms include reduced executive functions (such as wanting to get up and do shit) and language processing and attention, the latter of which was always a D-.

The parietal lobes are processing sensory information, particularly related to touch, temperature, pain, and spatial awareness. They also play a role in language, attention, and certain aspects of memory.

This is why reading and assimilating received information is ever more difficult.

It's a double-whammy to the grey matter!

Cuppa-tea, cuppa-tea, cuppa-tea please

I go to Niche every day except Tuesdays when they’re closed.

It's very nice there. I can watch the madness unfold all around me, but I often have my headphones on and read or type or watch YouTube on my iPad.

They look after me in there.

Watching the cardigans go by.  

That's the second wheelchair-user in a row with a yellow cardigan - a particularly egregious one with silver Buitoni. 

Ghastly.

One day I'll be in a wheelchair but I won't be wearing a cardigan.

I'm very sensitive like that.

Give me worms

Smiling at every dog I see. 

I love animals more and more every day. 

I like the bitey insects and the hideous worms that live in the ocean. 

As an (honorary) member of the human race I feel a level of personal responsibility for the extinction of all these wonderful mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, not to mention all the invertebrates we killed with DTT and the other pesticides and our obsession with fossil fuels.

Where ever humans turned up large fauna disappeared. The Moa of New Zealand, the various large marsupials in Australasia; wolves and bears in Europe. 

God we're awful.

At the moment I am particularly fond of arachnids and cephalopods. 

The interdependency of it all. 

A single tree has thousands of species depending on it for survival. A single oak can support 2300 species with 300 being entirely dependant on it.

And new discoveries are revealing even the tiniest animals have sentience in some form.

Many people still don’t get it as they worship the accrual of money at the expense of everything that is good, believing the fallacy that it will bring them the happiness they crave.

Puppet Master

I remember a very pretty blonde woman called Shari Lewis in the early 70s, wearing an Alice band with a sock-puppet. 

The daughter of academics who taught at the Yeshiva University, she was extraordinarily talented, could sing and dance, wrote several children’s books and even one episode of the original Star Trek series.

However, she is most remembered for her puppet Lamp Chop, and being probably the best ventriloquist ever. 

Lamb Chop had a very distinct personality based on a 7 year old girl, and Shari put a ton of personality into her movements and facial expression.

We’re talking about a sock puppet here. 

I didn’t appreciate how clever and well observed Lamb Chop was at the time. But I’ve since re-watched her - or rather them - and they were a class act.

Mandy Patenkin 

This is one of the most powerful speeches on Gaza I’ve heard. It’s 2 1/2 minutes long and his speech is in the last half.

Quote of the week

'Putin really surprised a lot of people. He talked nice then bombs everyone in the evening.'

DJ Trump (historical figure).

Sinister Cardigans

Koumpounophobia

What a vile and ungodly vestment it is. Dangling Buitoni from lank wool. Draping and infecting table tops and brushing the vile fastening objects against other humans as the wearer reaches over them. Ghastly.

Yes. The Cardigan. The passion-killer excel.

I know why I hate them so. A slovenly dangling item of clothing with those bits of which-I-cannot-speak dangling. Dangling!! 

I gagged on a large button when I was a little kid. Since then I've hated buttons and cardigans.

And there's an advert for Muller Lite on at the moment and the woman playing the teacher is wearing the MOST EGREGIOUS example of this vile garment.

No. You can't see it. It's just too awful.

How dare they!

I'm a proud button-phobic. Out and proud. So there.

Harvey Keitel

Divorce. Don't know if you've seen Marriage Story - why would I? I don't even know you. But it's great. It stars Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson and it portrays the divorce between 2 lovely people whose relationship has just run out of steam. Both are going different places and they need to split in order to fulfil their needs.

The characters are beautiful - the way they are written and portrayed, you love them both. They are lovely people. But then one of them under advice from a friend enlists a hotshot lawyer, and things get both expensive and ugly. You care so much about the couple and their little boy too. It's a heart-rending watch, but worth it.

 What am I telling you this for? And what's with Harvey Keitel? Well, he was interviewed once and was asked why he always plays violent characters. He disagreed with the assertion - in fact, he explained that these are ordinary people in extremely violent situations. To me, that was a revelation. But it seems obvious now. As the viewer, you don't care about a 2D character going round being violent, but if that character has people he or she loves, a job, a home, has lost, is under extreme pressure and is trying to survive, then we have more chance of caring about them and what happens to them. 

In a divorce, 2 decent, kind, caring people go through a situation which is potentially highly adversarial, where past misdemeanours are dragged up and misspeaking and misunderstanding just lead to hurt and anger.

We are not using lawyers, have an agreement and are both trying to be kind. FTD doesn't help, but I am feeling optimistic about the future J and I will have as friends and family.

Hives

My old friend Sertaline certainly seems to have suppressed much conscious stress recently. However I have had a breakout of hives. Initially I feared they may be bed bugs or fleas, but there are no incision marks and they are not linear like bed bug bites, and they followed no great pattern of eating new food or different laundry detergent.

Stress 

Still, they itched like hell and I was popping Piritons like Smarties. I also had a very concerned pharmacist prescribe me a hydrocortisone cream.

They came and they went. Almost like a cartoon bump -push it down and it comes up again or appears somewhere else on the body.

Eventually I realised with a few sleepless nights that it wasn't a creature or creatures, nor any allergic reaction, but stress. 

And now thankfully, they are retreating.

Ikea

Never been into interior design. I must have order though, so adequate filing and storage is a must.

So I've been in the process of transforming my old childhood bedroom into an office/lounge space.

Now to deal with the other half of the room...

Things have been taken to the dump, charity shops and the attic. More stuff to follow when I move the rest of my stuff back in late October. Luckily I have very little to pack as I've mainly lived in boxes all these years.

Lots of stuff will go on Ebay, other stuff to charity and the rest either in storage or the dump. But I love the catharsis that comes with down-sizing. De-cluttering rocks. I feel lighter when I've done it. It cleanses the spirit.

I'm one of those people who can't relax unless I've completed the tasks in front of me.

D&D Update

So I'm still going back to London at the weekend to continue our quest against the rise of Elemental Evil...

God it's good. It's sooooo good. We've gone from a thriving village of Homlett with its goodly folk, where we did smote evil at its roots, and did so with great zeal and panache. 

But now we are in the trickier and downright antithesis of Homlett - Nulb. Populated by thieves, cutthroats, harlots and copious other ne'er do-wells. We have to watch our backs the whole time.

It's brilliant.

The Monday online campaign was great, and I'm looking forward to Thursday evening where I'm running the wilderness section of my campaign for the Wells players. I'm loving it.

I also have Baldur's Gate 3 which I've started, and also a solo 5E adventure which looks terrific.

And I'm on our annual gaming holiday on Friday for a week in the Cotswolds.

Life has its compensations.