I was Baron Munchausen's stunt double

Activity

I shook off the dust and got out of my slumber. 

Suddenly I was young again.

Shelves. Put up 5 of the buggers around the house; made the walls good (enough).

Secured a wobbly handrail badly installed by shoddy builders. 

I secured the bracket for Ben's punchbag which had come loose from the wall. 

Cut the grass in the back garden for the first time in 2024.

Cut the grass in the front garden. Got a foul smell on my fingers. Had to use Swarfega, surgical spirit, fairy liquid and a scrubbing brush to get rid of it. Maybe a fox's scent?

Helped a mate move his furniture around.

Ebaying and Facebook-Marketing old stuff.

Got odd-jobs coming up. 

Going to paint my desk wall Radicchio much to my Mother's consternation.

All this activity galvanised me and I felt energised! I worked all day Friday and Saturday. Couldn't stop.

Today I hardly did anything. 

DOGS

That was after walking Tomos of course. I see a nice lady with a tiny dachshund called Snoopy. The way he yips and does a little shimmy when he's bossing her reminds me of Chip. And I've seen 2 Sealyhams in Wells too - obviously I stop and speak to the owners who are surprised I recognise the breed, and I show them photos of little Stanley.

God I miss the dogs.

What I'm watching

I watched programmes on the history of Welsh rugby in the 80s - not a great time, especially after the golden decade that preceded it. Then I watched a Netflix programme on Andy Warhol's diaries. Rather a tragic figure, old Andy.

It was a bit too gay porn, even for me.

Prior to that I'd gorged myself on Giselda on Netflix, which was based on the story of a cocaine crime lord (or rather, lady) of Miami in the late 70s /early 80s. She was so ruthless she eventually controlled the scene in the whole city.

The incredible Sofia Vergara plays the title role. We all know her as a comedy actress, but she is astounding as the ruthless Griselda. 

It's a brutal series but very very good. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets an award for it.

There's nowhere left to go

I don't get out of Wells very much.

I would go to Glastonbury, but it's rubbish.

I would go to Ikea, but I will go mad and kill people.

I will drive Dad to the hospital in Taunton as no one else can. Other than that, Taunton can just disappear of the face of this flat earth for all I care.

What a crap town.

And I can't face a busy city (obvs not Taunton) with all those lights, noise and movement; somewhere dark and quiet is preferable.

I shall end up living in the woods in a hole.

So anyway,  I got my Ikea stuff delivered here. So much easier. 

New games stuff delivered too. Waiting impatiently for Kickstarter stuff to arrive. One book is 5 months late already.

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

Tourettes 

Shouting out occasionally. In the house, in the street and while walking Tomos.

'NO!' Telling a memory to stop.

'MY BOTTOM SMELLS!' Is there a bottom that doesn't smell, occasionally?

'BUTTS!' More obsession with arses.

'MY WINKLE IS SUPER!' I'm trying to pep myself up here.

Give me a break.

And another thing...

Whimsical British films

Richard Curtis presents Bill Nighy and some posh actress from Primrose Hill who's in bloody everything in the feel-good movie of the year!

Well excuse me while I puke and shit myself simultaneously.

And writing down for the general public's consumption. Doesn't really work does it? And where are the black people in Notting Hill? And the Welsh actors in the above the line roles in Pride?

'Ugh! We don't want Welsh people in there! They're ugly and break things.'

We're capable of much better than shit like this. Withnail and I should have set the standard for writing and ambition. It seems to have been just an aberration.

It's the Simon Cowell effect of making everything a readily-consumable product with no surprises, no shocks, and no taste - the Mars bar ethos. 

Money-men control everything, looking at graphs and what does and doesn't pose the highest risk.

The result - complete inertia.

Utter 💩

Face like a Puffer Fish

Plastic surgery and lip filler - to the extent you look like you've got an anal prolapse on your face.

Voracious bottom-feeder

Duck face

Trout pout.

Eve Pollard said you either get old naturally or get old and look weird through having shitloads of shit injected up your bum and in your eyeballs. 

She didn't say the last bit. That was me. 

Give it to me, bitch!

Entitled children

The ones who appear in the car without saying hello, when you're picking yours up. You stop at their house. They get out and walk off. No, 'Hello Mr Davies.' 'Thanks you for the lift Mr Davies.' 'Goodbye Mr Davies.'

All that money on an expensive education and they weren't even taught manners. Then you meet the parents and it then begins to makes sense.

Entitled Adults

Parents of the above bastards. Entitlement seems to be a classless thing, but living in SW London for so long and having stepkids at selective and private schools, you ended up meeting these people.

I can feel them, judging me. I only judge on behaviour. It's amazing how even adults feel the pressure to conform socially - that they have to buy into a certain lifestyle and attitude in order to be accepted.

Black SUVs are a must - change every year for an ever bigger, ever 'greener' model. And have the smaller model for the wife. Drive the kids to school clogging up the roads even though it's only 15 minutes walk.

Charmless, social climbers who look down or don't even speak to prols because they are distancing themselves from anyone who who may be at a place where they may have come from and like the abysmal and utterly overrated Michael Caine, are social climbers.

'Don't act as though you know me!'

Things they expect

Geraint'll do it for a beer.

Oh really? You can do my accounts for a beer then. Or you can represent me in court for a beer. 

Can I have a half day of business consultancy for a pound?

Sorry I forgot you have real jobs.

The corporate anus.

FTD Anthem

Fronto-temporal dementia

Is quite the thing for me

Fronto-temporal dementia

Is where I want to be

You keep your Lewy Bodies

And PCA

I'll have Fronto-temporal any day!

Fronto-temporal Dementia, is where I want to be...

Continues ad nauseam until some random person decides to kill you.

Ideas for TV shows:

Barry Erstwhile and his Magical Tits

Celebrity That's my Prolapse

Cxxt of the Year, Live from Essex!

I just needed to get that out of my system.

I'm actually the sanest man in mid-Somerset.