I’m a thick bitch packing cake

Bloody Chickens

(WARNING TO ALISON: contains 1x F-bomb…)

I'm completely mad and should never be allowed near the general public. So say I.

Haunted by my past - scattergun memories make me wince with every one that lands. Like a flicked finger to the unmentionables.

Shouting out ‘Fuck off!’ which my parents are either too deaf to hear or miraculously - especially my mother who’s strictly adverse to swearing of any kind - ignoring.

I wasn’t even allowed to say bum as a kid, nor chuck stones into ponds where no one was lurking “just in case”.

Sounds mad now.

Because it is.

Increased Input

Re-subscribed to The Times (£1 a month for 3 months - they must be desperate, which in a way is good) but I've failed to read more than half of the editions.

I like the Saturday edition but The Sunday Times is a piece of shit. Completely different - like a bombastic, snobbish older uncle, there to embarrass you with its antediluvian outlook and Faragist waistcoat.

Ignorant, ludicrous, pompous.

So I can still read a newspaper. The downside is it's bloody depressing. News is almost always of the 'bad' variety. A new forest being planted doesn't quite have the gravity of bombs falling on families in Ukraine or the middle-east.

Already though, with the input of information - 'news' as it's often referred to - it's stimulating my brain enough to start writing.

What a fug I get myself into. Hitting the same thing on YouTube time and again. I need variety but it's difficult to know how to get it when there are only 3 choices available...

I just have the greatest taste in music…

Saying that I listen to a lot of great music (as do we all) although my taste is the best. No really, you must check out what I listen to. It really is better than yours.

Truthfully.

Lots of great jazz/fusion/Brazilian funk from the 70s - Banda Black Rio, Gilberto Gil, George Duke, and also rediscovering Gil Scott Heron and Roy Ayers, who I saw at Ronnie Scott’s many years ago.

Also a big fan of Lizzo, which inspired the title of this post. Big fan of Missy Elliott who I always found strangely beautiful and one of the best rappers of all time. She doesn’t get as much recognition IMO due to her sex.

And here are both of them in a conveniently packaged video promo!

Also like Louis Cole and Genevieve Artadi, Domi and JD Beck, Esperanza Spalding and countless other geniuses.

I like music where musicians have conversations with other musicians - I guess that’s why I like jazz.

I want to hear bands - musicians. Original ideas.

I want there to be imperfect concerts in an age of computerised perfection.

Do you know they’re even auto-tuning Freddy Mercury’s voice on Queen re-releases??

It’s possible to like current music when you’re old but in the main you have to work harder for the good stuff as… Simon Cowell.

Yes, why have the chef’s special when you can have the Big Mac followed by the Mars Bar?

He probably doesn’t even listen to the stuff.

Saying that, Mars Bar were never good live.

Me and my non-sequiturs, Mrs!! 

What’s…out the window?

 That woman in her cardigans is walking past all the time. Bag over shoulder, hair tied up, wellingtons or boots. All weathers. Like a farmer, but not. She stares at the ground, always on a mission. She’s a strong walker - I’ll give her that. 

I spoke to her while walking Tomos. She could speak for England. 

She's pleasantly bonkers but I find it hard to get past the cardigans.

Ow! 

That lump under my right patella is rather too big now. It's been growing there for years. I occasionally acknowledge it. I don't want to bother anyone (doctors) with something as non-emergent as an uncomfortable growth, but that's what they said about Mount Vesuvius isn't it? All those Pompeiians.

Having a black desk shows up the dust somewhat. I need to dust it at least every hour.

It’s gotten really cold. Dark clouds. So windy too. My Mum swears it was never this windy in the past!

I call it Led Zepplin weather. Me with my Sanyo version of a Sony Walkman in the back of a Ford Cortina driving to Ystradgynlais in the early 80s - cold, grim, cloudy, and all the while listening to either Led Zep 4 or Houses of the Holy. 

Romantic, melancholic, hiraeth, Tolkein.

Love it.

Word of the Week!

‘Relatable’. As in “I can relate to that”. 

Like Rylan, bless him - all teeth and no brain. Hence him replacing the old fuddy-duddies who do.

How dare they know shit! 

Elite, arrogant, entitled!

But it’s also an annoying word as it doesn’t seem to have any synonyms. A bit like the word ‘impactful; which I first heard being used by a PR person.

Damn - it hasn’t replaced any word. It’s just new. And while I hate these words, I hate it more that I don’t know their equivalents, if they even exist at all!!!

Lord Alli and me

Before I aged horribly, in my 30s I was an attractive well-dressed office worker in central London.

I had hair and everything.

So much so that when I worked at a certain company people used to think I was gay. I mean, you have to be to dress like that!

Don't you?

Lord Alli was the chairman of that company. Always used to make a special effort to say hello. He used to say things like: “Are you taking the stairs or are you coming out with me?” In reference to the lift.

Er, the stairs.

He asked me once what I did in the company. I told him (it was relatively lowly) and he said “Well, I think we’ll have to do something about that Geraint.”

He’s now embroiled in the freebies scandal with the Prime Minister.

I remember he had his chauffeur running round London picking up and delivering presents to his 100 closest friends and the chauffeur who'd been employed by him for a number of years absolutely mortified that Alli had neglected to buy him one.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a man so hurt.

Alli was one of “Tony’s Cronies”. I always felt there was some kind of transactional nature to the guy.

Wow: if I could earn that kind of money!

He then elbowed out the CEO and went on a spending spree buying up millions of quidsworth of intellectual properties.

And then the crash of 2007 happened.

And that was the end of that company.

Just my thoughts.

One day I’ll tell you about Dom Joly.

It's an existence, really

America

Of course we had our fair share of religious lunatics in Britain. But then we kicked them out as they were spoiling our fun, like banning the theatre and Christmas. 

They ended up in a place they called America. 

That was in the 17th Century.

In their absence we had The Age of Enlightenment which a lot of them seemed to have missed out on. Basically we learned about the equality of man, scientific practice, reason and other groovy stuff. 

It dragged us out of the mire of superstition and belief in the supernatural of the medieval period and into the modern age.

Or so we thought.

In a recent poll 24% of Americans identify as Evangelical Christians. They think Trump is a Christian. Some actually think he is the Messiah. 

I can't think of anyone further removed from the Son of God than the narcisistic, lying, raping, tax-avoiding, insurrection-encouraging, pussy-grabbing adulterer that is Donald Trump. The only man to have ever lost money by owning a casino.

An American influencer, earlier today.

Many evangelicals believe in the literal word of the Bible (of course they still cherry-pick the same old shit, and ignore other bits like that stuff about stoning your neighbour if he eyes up the Mrs) and if you don't agree with them that makes you BAD. 

You hate God; you hate people. That's it. Along with some choice quotes from the Old Testament.

I'm currently weening myself off arguing with stupid American fundamentalist Christians and their weird antediluvian world view on YouTube. Watching Trump's nonsensical and increasingly bizarre and rambling speeches, his deluded supporters, and the smugness of the Democrats,  the war in Ukraine, the hideousness the poor people are enduring in Palestine, I just need to come up for air, as shallow as that may sound.

Gaming

Well, I don't play Baldur's Gate 3 anymore. 330 hours of it has put paid to that.

However, I am still running D&D on Thursdays in Wells, and they are going through the archlich Acerak's dungeon, level by level. I think they were rather shocked by the traps in there so they will now have to put their thinking caps on as they proceed every inch or their characters will be snuffed out...

On Wednesdays I'm playing Larry's Temple of Elemental Evil on Roll20 which is great. Proper old school adventure written by Gary Gygax himself, so if the Thursday lot think 5E adventures are tough, they would be in for a shock with this one. The probability of TPKs (Total Party Kills - where all the players would be wiped out) were significantly higher back then. The game could be brutal.

In modern 5e D&D (its latest incarnation) it's actually quite difficult to die. I guess kids get attached to their characters (we did back in the day too but didn't seem to matter so much then) and if you play (which modern gamers were brought up on) games like Call of Duty when you die you get respawned a few seconds later. This is what games designers have to deal with. 

Weekends 

Bored, quite frankly. Missing my buddies at The Willoughby. The sights, the sounds the smells. 

It's such a buzz though - seeing everyone and the atmosphere, plus oodles of pints of glorious Ranmore. So good. 

It's great to get stuck in, in-person, with your character or running a game, where everyone is SO into it. I'm currently pretty listless at weekends but I intend, in the next couple of months, to be going back to London on Sundays to play. 

We occasionally slot in the odd weekend session in Wells in addition to our Thursday sessions. It's great because people who work are a little more alert during the day and we play for up to 5 hours rather than the 3 1/2 hour sessions we do on Thursdays. You get so much done.

There's not many people about in January either. That's just a thing. Rubbish time of the year isn't it?

"Yes Geraint."

Tiredness

So annoying to be tired all the time. The moment I charge into any task or job of work I'm yawning like a mouth-breather a couple of hours later. I want to accomplish things and beat myself up about not being able to. 

I'm so ineffective at achieving things these days. Takes me forever to get round to doing stuff.

Lists. Lists are the answer. Shelves to put up, railings to refit. I least I know how to do these things but what's stopping me is the disease: I find it so difficult to get off my arse and do these things. 

The old executive functions are offline.

Do you remember when cars had manual chokes? A lot of you won't. 

I keep forgetting to pull mine out. The choke as well.

(Phnaar.)

Don't have to do all the chores in a day of course; just break the tasks down into smaller, more manageable (for the brain) chunks. Set myself achievable goals. 

All that bollocks.

Still, on the plus side I write my diary, write this blog, read the paper (less so though, these days), walk Tomos, play and run complex games, drive Dad to accursed Taunton for a checkup at Musgrove Park Hospital there and back with no problem, buy food at the supermarket, make food (now and again), wash the dishes, watch some TV, read a bit more.

IS HE NOT MAGNIFICENT?

That's my life at the moment. Could be worse. Could be working at a call centre or something.

Selling shit

This is also giving me something to do. I'm doing Ebay and learning as I go, but the fees seem very high especially when you're selling stuff for £10. 

Barely worth it to be honest. 

I sold a lot of camera stuff to an online company called MPB and they were great. On receiving the goods they even said I'd undervalued them and paid me £30 more! And being demented I'd left a load of other paraphernalia in the camera bag I sent, so they sent it back, and I'm reselling those bits and pieces at the moment. How good is that?

Facebook Marketplace - easy and local. Sold a table and chair to an old friend so just recycling stuff that's perfectly usable and can benefit someone else and I get a few Earth pounds in the process.

If you have any other ideas please contact me. I'm not a natural Del Boy.

I've got some DIY jobs to do for Nerys too.

Favourite zero or low-alcohol beers

I'm off the alcohol. I'm going to keep it up until I see significant weight loss as I am still a bag of tapioca.

Apart from herbal tea, this is what I drink in an evening.

Bristol Beer Factory - Clear Head - lovely hoppy pale ale. Ever so moreish. Available on tap in 2 of our local pubs.

Brooklyn Special Effects - nut-brown Lager, really pleasant with a sweet maltiness.

Heineken Zero - tastes like a regular lager with no bad yeasty aftertaste whatsoever as it's brewed as a regular lager and those clever Danes have invented a process to take all the alcohol out at the end. On tap in lots of places.

Leffe 0.0 - wonderful zero-alcohol version of their 6.6% Blonde. Perfectly balanced and delicious. 

Rant of the week

Other drivers. In Wells they dawdle or fanny about at junctions, everywhere they have to make a decision they just stop the car in the road and wait for their brain to get into gear.

Okay: I'm still a London driver with ZERO patience. I beep them when they're looking at their phone or having a quick tug at the traffic lights. 

That's all you have to do is wait for the lights to turn green. I am I expecting too much?

Don't answer that.

But no. They can find myriad other things. Maybe reading The Mail online (I'm not hyperlinking to that crap) to find out how large Kim Kardashian's bum is or how small some 'influencer's' brain is.

I love it that in this day and age ...well, I don't love it as a matter of fact. In fact I don't like it at all. What was I talking about?

Anyway, I don't like it at all that when people are in the wrong, going the wrong way up a road or cutting someone up by crossing into your lane, that it's never their fault. 

Slip roads entering onto motorways - how many drivers do you see who are just looking straight ahead and merging with the traffic without looking?

'Lots.' is the word you're looking for.

BLOODY SCUM.