Remembering Simon Mayo

Simon Who?

 Lying in bed at whatever o'clock. Thinking about a film review and it took me ages to think of their names. 2 familiar people but no names. Mark. French surname. Not Lamar. The other guy. Philip? Odd surname again. Mark Kermode! 

Then I forgot the name again.

I went back to sleep. I woke up and the name - Mark Kermode. That's a good start. And Simon. Simon what though? Amstell? No.

Mark Kermode

I got downstairs and remembered Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo. But that's a new one. I'm forgetting names a lot more now. I need to keep practicing.

Bruce Willis

So Bruce Willis who we knew already had a form of dementia. His family have recently released the news that it's FTD. (J as usual guessed it was months ago.)

I hope they use his fame to promote knowledge of the disease, rather than lie back and do nothing.

It's quite nice knowing I'm a trend-setter.

Walking the Dogs

J and I walk the dogs every day. J uses it as a form of catharsis where she works through her work out loud. I don't say much at all. Just listen and occasionally drift off into my own thoughts. 

Most of it is jargon-rich corporate stuff and people who I've never met and never will. I don't understand most or any of it. But it helps her and I don't have much to say when we walk - just take in the natural world and the joy of the dogs.

Now and again she expresses the burden she feels, being the primary earner, the runner of the house, mother to me as well as the children, the dogs, her parents, her family.

It sometimes takes a while for me to express how I feel - to first work out the elemental message from all my thoughts and verbalise them in a way that's factual and free from emotion.

So I go quiet and she knows I'm upset.

I'm sorry she's burdened with my illness. It's not what I wanted either, and don't think I don't feel both guilty about it and grateful to you at the same time. But what am I supposed to do with this information? What do you want me to do?

Fair point.

I'm glad I expressed myself like that. It's increasingly difficult to express myself constructively as the alternative would be an irrational, emotional outburst.

I ask myself what do I want to say, what is underlying all these emotions?

It doesn't get any easier.

Elden Ring and gaming update

Love/hate relationship with Elden Ring. After 174 hours of game play. - 174! -  I'm on the last 2 bosses. I'm not expecting a good outcome. Some of them take 30-50 goes to get past. I ended up asking myself if I was enjoying or hating the game.

I left it for a couple of days and told J I had had enough. 

She looked relieved the man-child was off the console.

I was back on a day later. It is daft though. I'll be glad to complete it. However it's such a massive game world you could play another 100 hours to complete it all.

I've 2 D&D campaigns which are both in their latter halves - the Monday crew at its final chapter. 

I'm finding it more and more difficult knuckling down and properly prepping the games. I think having the temptation of The Elden Ring in the other room doesn't help.

But when reading and taking notes my eyes dart around the page and then I've lost my thread. Staying on a page is tough. Making notes is good but not if you find yourself on autopilot. You end up with notes that mean nothing.

I really have to knuckle down today and get my head round it all. Try and visualise the party in a situation, the motives of the NPCs (non-player characters who I run) and then play out possible outcomes. Of course, the players rarely do what you expect them to do but having various options gives me food for thought - it fleshes out the characters - so when the players throw me a curveball I'm more in the head of the character and can react accordingly.

Sunday afternoon - here I come!