Cardigan Watch (incorporating The Cardigan Research Group)

It’s Cardigan Weather

My parents are both prodigious wearers of the devil's accoutrement, which is difficult enough, but now they’re everywhere.

Yes, as the temperature dips for Autumn, they're back.

Sagging woollen things, weighed down by their Buitoni, dangling in my soup (if I had any).

Particularly egregious examples recently - a very long purple one worn by the receptionist at the opticians, with some weird fussy vertical stitch on both sides. Ghastly

A sagging off-colour cream one, been through the wash way too many times, sagging-sagging-sagging almost to the knees of the wearer. 

I seriously almost puked.

This one in the window of some boutique or other owned by a human coat-hanger who thinks she has good taste.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

They’re everywhere. 

Be on your guard.

Baker, Baker, bullshit maker

I was removing some fungus from one of my manly crevices, when I came across some idiotic word dribblings of a certain Gerard Baker in the Friday edition of The Times.

Yes I know - bloody Murdoch press. 

I get it.

But most of the writers have some journalistic integrity.

Ok, SOME.

But this guy is a whole new level of stupid. 

He's the one outed MAGA cheerleader in the paper. And my god it shows.

He joined the Trump filching society and berated Jimmy Kimmel for being offensive in the wake of Charlie Kirk's murder.

Kimmel didn't say anything nasty about Kirk. Quite the opposite.

But he did make fun of Trump's reaction. 

If you don't know, Trump was asked how he was bearing up after his friend's assassination.

" Very well. And if you look over there the bulldozers and diggers are there to make this wonderful ballroom..."

Kimmel added -  superfluously in my opinion - that this was the reaction of a 4 year old mourning his goldfish.

That's what did it.

The Trump appointed leader of their TV watchdog then told ABC - the network responsible for the show - that if they want to do a forthcoming merger they drop Kimmel. 

The same thing happened a few weeks ago to Stephen Colbert of The Late Show.

So comedians and TV networks are already subject to cancellation by the POTUS, simply for making fun of the Trump.

And the C-suite have duly bent the knee to the Dear Leader.

Meanwhile on Fox and Friends, co-host Brian Kilmeade suggested euthanising the homeless.

Nothing.

Despite the first amendment and that being made fun of comes with the territory, Trump is such a snowflake that he has to exact revenge on his detractors.

Just think about that. 

By complete contrast, the most erudite and brilliant writer at the moment is also a Times columnist.

You can read a brilliantly researched article by James Marriott (for it is he) right HERE

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. 

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. 

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Hippies

By fucking you over I’m merely exercising my personal freedom. 

It doesn’t matter! 

Get over it.

I shall go ballistic if you infringe on mine.

La la la. I am the Eloi incarnate. 

I shall make daisy chains and be free and live in peace and harmony in my flat in Westbourne Park Road.

I shall look down my nose at your attitudes and lecture you on righteousness.

For I drive an electric SUV and you a petrol car, puking its shit, poisoning my auras.

All my food is organic and vegan. 

I have a checklist with which to judge you.

Everyone should do what I do.

Give up your job and be free!

The universe will provide!

Now I shall reach over you and drape my rainbow cardigan in your face.

...and I shall shit.

Bapspeak

Kill all non-vegan animals!

Start with a headbutt; follow up with a chainsaw

May I stroke your human?

Videos what you can watch

Been looking at 80s videos recently, uploaded from old analogue VHSs and possibly Betamaxes.

This is a great site called Found Footage Fest. 

Not for everyone - it's more of a niche audience.

"Tiger Moves" is just one of many gems.

And here is an instructional video on bowels, and their correct usage.

Being the 80s, Rapping was a new technology, and it was used very effectively in training a variety of skills, including sandwich making. 

Or 'subs' as the Yanks call them.

I've no idea why they call them that.

And this is...well. What it is.

Enjoy, as the hospitality Nazis say.

"Just ignore him: he'll go away..."

So I've had man-flu..

Yeah, I know. This is the 6th week now. It was really active over 2 weeks and knocked me out, enough to not walk Tomos for the entirety. But it's also hanging on. 

One retired nurse told me what I had was a coronavirus of which there are many - the common cold and the covid virus being two of them.

I'm still bunged up. I sound like Tom Waites first thing, and my left ear is completely blocked, despite the litre and half of olive oil I've sprayed in it.

Having my ears syringed on Wednesday, which I've never had done before. I want to keep all the wax that comes out, and put it on display in a little jar.

But during this time I didn't get as frustrated as I normally do by not seeing people. 

I've noticed I'm not going out as much any more. That I'm more content to just stay in and do the same thing - YouTube and computer games. 

In particular I'm rewatching old Time Team episodes!

This is a feature of FTD - you withdraw until you've isolated yourself. You no longer see your friends, nor feel any compunction to do so.

And while I'm still a social animal really, it's one of those incremental steps down in my condition that I notice from time to time.

Even writing a blogpost has been extra-difficult. I just don't feel I have anything to say, which is - in itself - a thing worth saying, as I normally have tons to say!

It's all part of the change that happens to your personality with Behavioural Variant. 

Your interests and get-up-and-go, have got up and gone.

Back on the dog-walking block

But at least I'm back on earlies. I used to wake up at 6 or earlier when I was working. 

Early is now 8.10am.

Usual crowd of dog-walkers were out. People were nice  - some were concerned about me.

So today I was walking Tomos and I got embroiled in a white goods conversation. 

Oh my god...

I had a Meile washing machine that lasted 14 years and then I had a Zanussi that when you opened the cutlery draw was in the shape of a penis, which used to make my third wife laugh every time.

Really? I had a microwave that was in the shape of a ball bag. And I bought a terriyaki chicken from Morrisons that lasted 4 years. 

Of course, that was back when chickens were chickens. Did I ever tell you about my Aunt Ida? She used to be a zebra...

(Continues until the heat death of the universe.)

I had to make something up which took me a while with all this brain cancer coming through me ear'oles, and then I buggered off. 

Heroin without the upside

Every morning the first thing I do is reach for my phone or iPad and look for 'what's Trump and his idiots done now?'

I know a lot of others with my predicament.

I have TDS: Trump derangement syndrome. That's what MAGA call it.

It's basically a filthy drug addiction. Like fentanyl, without the upside. 

There is nothing positive to come out of it. There is no high. It's just a spirit-sapping dirge. Plunge into a vortex of shit, and immerse yourself in it.

Then you watch Fox 'News' which is a Trump's propaganda network, where smug buffoons shout down any dissenting voices, character-assassinating or doing whatever it takes to besmirch them, and then spin lies and ridiculous nonsense where their guy can do no wrong and everything's the fault of 'Libs'.

Someone explained that the reason the MAGA crowd hate Europe is that the political landscape in the US is now Oligarchic Authoritarians vs Liberal Democracies, and the US is now the former, which is why they're now ballsdeep with Putin, Erdogan, Orban et al.

With secretaries of state as inappropriate and out-of their-depth as Steve Witkoff, Pete Hegseth, Matt Waltz and Tulsi Gabbard and the recent Signalgate where war plans were shared using Emojis on a non-secure (by military standards) commercial platform and accidentally included the Editor-in-Chief of The Atlantic magazine, that the US is no longer our ally.

I feel really bad for the rest of America who haven't drunk of the Trump Kool-Aid. But this is where we're at.

White punks on dope, the lot of them.

I wonder what Fee Waybill would do in his first term?

Gaming

While I was ill I managed to put 100 hours into an old game I started years ago and never finished - Fallout 4. Post apocalyptic alternate 1940s sci-fi. Great aesthetics. The game is good but when you're in maximised powered armour with a fully uprated plasma rifle and level 50, being asked to kill a bunch of Raiders terrorising a farmstead becomes nothing more than a chore.

I do have a new CRPG: Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous. It's okay so far. The interface is not as intuitive as Baldur's Gate 3 but it has potential. 

D&D has been cancelled a few times again. Little bit frustrating but there you go. Not that it can be helped. 

Itching to play though, and I'll be DMing in Pilton over Easter again.

Oh, to be a starfish...

Quantum decline

You take it for granted for ages. The “situation” in the background, you know, [whispers] dementia!

Then you go through a couple of days of a trough, which turns into 5 or 7, and you realise you’ve taken a small but significant step down in your abilities.

Concentration at an all time low. Every time I try to read and prepare for D&D the detail of most of it is lost, so much so at times that when it comes to running the game it feels like I’m reading the passage for the first time. 

My prep is like this: procrastinate, procrastinate, read half-heartedly, procrastinate, read thoroughly and make notes, do nothing on the day of the game, read the notes haphazardly in a hurry - eyes darting all over the page - ditto for the actual original text, then run game. 

It’s an effort. Fuck I wish it wasn’t like this. Am I getting away with it? 

I asked and one person said it was noticeable how I'm not as on it as I once was but it was still really good, and the other person said they hadn't detected any decline at all. 

I like to think I’m experienced enough to provide a decent experience for everyone - myself included.

Suffice to say this is the new reality. 

Also some occasional minor hallucinations: white objects like my Apple mouse which in my peripheral vision suddenly burst into view like a firing flash gun set at F2.

I’m going to have to up my dose of Sertraline from 100mgs to 150mgs for a while. Finding it all a bit difficult. The noise of busy pubs; sitting indoors, not finding any satisfaction in YouTube clips or much else for that matter. 

Like a smoker who can’t afford cigarettes, or the straight-jacketed man with itchy balls. 

Just restless: an unquenchable thirst for a drink that doesn’t exist. 

At least I can still string a sentence together, spot typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors (are they ever not errors these days?) with alarming speed - like Robocop spotting perps in his multiple cross-hairs.

My handwriting still receives compliments. 

Forgetting my multiplication times tables now. Had to think what 7x8s were. Known them off by heart since I was 9.

You lucky, lucky bastard.

And you 'n all.

Politics 

I still think I’m over-qualified for Trump's cabinet.

I’m not a rapist, or a tax evader, or a fraud of any kind. In fact I haven’t done anything to be pardoned by him yet. 

So no ambassadorships or secretary of state jobs.

I am completely unqualified for any post in government, which oddly enough would actually make me qualified in this (mad) instance.

I’m better informed than Tulsi Gabbard who repeats verbatim RT propaganda like a Talking Barbski doll-bot and of course RFK Jr who seems to be just a very damaged person through drug-use and personal trauma.

Despite my dementia I’d be much better than this shower.

Trouble is the MAGA crowd would accuse me of being a DEI pick and that wouldn’t be a good look for Trump or Project 2025.

Sod it then. It's CEO of the World Bank for me.

Plutocrats 

Just as Elon Musk spent hundreds of millions of dollars getting the stooge known as Trump back into office, the Reform Party is Musk's next project. They are of course natural bedfellows.

Another one in the mix is Nick Candy - the property developer, who in a Sunday Times interview today quite openly speaks about his fondness for Saudi Arabia and its society: its great quality of life and law and order.

Wow. Think about this for a moment. Saudi and many of the Emirates states have the most appalling human rights records, a catalogued history of indentured workforces, the scandal about the workers who built the Burj Khalifa and many other erectile dysfunction buildings in that part of the world.

But what amazes me these days is that somehow, at some point the concept of democracy became devalued. People now speak openly about appalling regimes and dictators as though these are great people running great societies. The MAGA movement led by Trump, Tucker Carlson, Tulsi Gabbard praising Victor Orban, Poot'n, Xi of China. All autocrats with appalling human rights records, especially for women and LGBTQ+.

I just can't believe how up-front they are about it too. There's almost no attempt to hide their undemocratic leanings. I assume they operate in echo-chambers for them to think this is 'normal'.

These billionaires who manipulate the media like never before are out to get even richer, dividing the wealth of the world up between themselves like the oligarchs they are, depending on ordinary people to vote them in.

Already Trump is pulling back on his promise to make groceries more affordable - one of the promises he made in the election.

I cannot believe we've come to this point. People died in the Peasant's Revolt, The Peterloo Massacre, Chartism, Trades unions and the suffragette movement, to have human rights, to be recognised by those holding power as fellow humans with a stake in society ie. the vote.

Is it that history has become irrelevant due to ignorance?

- Forget it G - that happened a long time ago. It's history.

- What, like Jesus?

If it looks like fascism smells like fascism and acts like fascism, it's probably fascism. 

I've lost friends who have swallowed this shit hook line and stinker. And I'm prepared to lose more any who fall into this vortex of bigotry and hatefulness.

They're laughing at us.

And finally...

Had to throw 2 pairs of pants out this week: structural integrity of the gusset. Quite the disappointment. These things all happen at the same time don’t they? Waves of exploding heels on socks, disintegrated gussets and holes in your favourite t-shirts. 

These things happen in clusters don't they?

One thing’s for sure, I shan’t be buying nylon pants ever again. 

Threads and Drugs and Rock and Roll

Drugs

It's surprisingly easy to drink all the time. 

It's also surprisingly easy to not drink all the time.

I just can't find a middle ground.

I drank every day for months. I seem to have to do it until my body disgusts me. Belly oozing over belt, belt down a notch and still too tight. Saggy-middle, flabby, atrophying muscle. Ghastly.

I had my last drink on New Year's Eve. I had a Baileys: the guilty pleasure of many!

I've been alcohol free all week. I can already feel the benefits. Stomach no longer bloated, toileting (I won't - you'll be thankful to know - go into details) easier, concentration marred by cold on back-burner, but less hazy brain due to alcohol-freedom. 

Marvellous.

Here are my opinions (and I have many strong ones on multiple subjects as I'm sure you're aware) on some common drugs:

Beer: tastes so wonderful - myriad flavours - easy, complex, bitter, smooth, fruity, malty, hoppy, dry. The drug that tastes nicest of all. What a quantity a pint is! The perfect measure: 0.568261 of a litre.

Cannabis: any drug that makes it okay to watch the same episode of Neighbours twice in one day has to be bad for you. Disgusting sickly smell. The stuff kids smoke today is like heroin compared to the rabbit poo of yore.

Cocaine: have you ever met anybody who took cocaine who didn't turn into an arrogant arsehole? Overpriced (like Champagne) for city and media types to make them feel special about themselves. A drug to bolster one's low-self-esteem. Not to mention the cost in human lives.

Champagne: the most overrated drink of all time. Tastes like ass unless you spend upwards of £50 a bottle. People eat oysters, caviar, smoke cigars and eat other stuff that has the texture of snot and tastes of rock-pools as it's traditionally what the aristocracy gorged themselves on, so it's more about aspiration - 'eating-up' in other words - rather than imbibing it because you actually like it.

'Never go ass to mouth.' - Marilyn Manson

Cigarettes: leant a friend £20 to buy some cigarettes. The change was in coins - less than a fiver - for a packet of 20. For years you see people outside offices standing in the rain to 'enjoy' a fag. I last smoked 21 years ago. I'd given up for years and taken it back up. I still have dreams where I'm smoking. Shit drug - way too expensive and makes you a social exile. 

And if you’re a bloke it shrinks your weenus. 

Threads

I'm still trying to work out what Threads is. It's a bit like a free app version of Twitter/X (if you had to pay for it). Less toxic, fewer features and rather anodyne in its content.

Like Facebook with strangers?

My feed is oddly full of middle-aged women whose entire content is selfies: cleavage selfies, butt selfies, driving selfies and big hair selfies. 

Their posts often read like this: 'Successful Lawyer, humanitarian, nature-lover, athlete, vegan, art connoisseur, mom of 4 super-smart kids.'

If that wasn't enough their post is just full of pictures of them. Is it boasting or is it a deep-seated insecurity that yearns for our approval? 

What have we become in the 21st century?

I understand people are looking to boost their low self esteem but it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Keep demanding love and receiving positive affirmations and you quickly develop a need and eventually an addiction for other people's approval...

Ultimately I don’t think Threads knows what it is. You can’t really define yourself by saying this is what you're not.

I’ll await a proper definition. 

How to alienate your electorate

So I look online and see lots of footage of Trump supporters being ridiculed and made fun of. And it is unbelievable. 

Yes they have bypassed any form of half-decent education, they are ineloquent at best, but their vote counts as much as anyones’. Surely the liberals need to appeal to them instead of berating them all the time for being dim?

After all, if I called you 'stupid', or where you come from 'a shithole' would you vote for me? The chances are certainly lessened.

This is one reason the MAGA crowd hate metropolitan liberals - it's their painfully aloof intellectual arrogance. We have a similar thing in the UK between town and country but to a much lesser extent. A mistrust, as though the 2 sides share the same language but an entirely different culture. The countryside being socially conservative, and the townies being socially liberal, but illiberal to the socially conservative. 

Social media gave us anonymity in towers of judgement where we yell expletives and insult and threaten people who disagree with us. There is no serious debate on social media. You pick your binary side (woke and anti-woke) and that's it.

The Rock and Roll bit

Not been listening to music recently, although I did see a marvellous clip of the wonderful Dick Cavett chatting with the great Oscar Peterson, which I then I watched again with Mum and Dad.

These days I do secrete myself away in my man-cave for most of the day as I can't abide what they watch. And I'd be too embarrassed to attempt to watch The Boys for instance, with them. So it's great when we can watch something we will all enjoy (and I won't feel embarrassed about).

Not rock and roll, but just great, great music.