You won't want to read this

Bob Geldof

There are days I wake up and I think, this is going to be a sunshine day - and then there are days when I wake having dreamt I live in a dreary flat with flatmates I don't know and we pass each other without any interaction, any warmth or connection. Many of my dreams are a version of this scenario. Today I woke up feeling pretty lousy. Hey, It's a Monday after all, and I hate Mondays. But this is different.

Unconscious bias

The recurring themes of these dreams are isolation, detachment, withdrawal, loneliness. It's not the best way to start the day.

But this is the reality of FTD, and maybe other dimensions... I mean dementias. (Keep doing that!)

It's a detachment from those we love, our fondest friends, our nearest and dearest. The invisible chords that bind us just dissipating every few weeks incrementally but significantly enough to notice. This is the worst part of dementia: the fact that we become isolated. Somedays you feel it more than others. 

Mondays are especially bad for it.

Procrastination

So after the storm I'm looking at the garden. The derelict shed we have. The thick polythene I stuck to the roof to keep it going was finally torn off. Now the shed is in all its glory - the rotten boards, the broken window, the torn roofing felt. And the tree. The tree that fell down 3 days ago. 

I just stop myself looking at it as it's depressing, so I come back in here to watch TV. Later I join Jacqui who's having an early lunch and apologise for doing nothing about the shed. She's fine with me being useless, which whilst being a let off, makes me feel worse in a way: the fact that I'm not much use anymore being verified by my wife, who is resigned to it all.

Harmless, really

I thought I would write and prepare more of the campaign for the Monday evening crew (The D&Gers), but it didn't work out that way,. Headache and some knotted muscle under my shoulder blade adding to the feeling of general crapness. 

We did walk the dogs this morning which is always good. It's a nice start to the day and gets the oxygen flowing. It was still really windy, which both the dogs and me really enjoy.

But while I changed a couple of things and did 10 minutes of work admin I'd avoided for the last week, I then watched Louis Theroux docs and a documentary film on WeWork, which was a cultish office rental business for millennials. It's fascinated me for a while, but the documentary was a bit supine really. I was expecting it to be more like the Fyre Festival film.

So I've just been trying to keep out the world's way for a bit. I shall attempt to rejoin as soon as practicable...