Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Peter Andre

I'm having a bad week. Sorry to carp on about it. I can't start anything: even D&D stuff. 

We walked the dogs this morning and I walked down the road to Charlotte's to get some bread. I say that like they're achievements. That's where we're at. That's dementia. It's giving yourself a pat on the back for achieving almost fuck all.

Why is this happening? Executive functions are manifestly offline and I want to achieve some stuff but all I can do is watch YouTube clips and write this crap. I am engaged in an almost entirely passive capacity to everything. 

I know I should be doing something, just something. I could roll that character up or make notes from the next part of the adventure, or vacuum the house. And then those thoughts vanish into the ether and hours roll by watching YT clips.

Actions, a to-do list; like helium balloons rising higher and higher, they're just out of my reach or I can't grab or if I do I can't hold onto them. Can't quite make out what the tasks are - vaguely here or there then the writing fades away, and the thought is erased.

Another thing with dementia: standards of hygiene and dress-sense erode. I now need to make a concerted effort to take a shower everyday. Sorry if that's TMI.

This was my favourite jumper which I was still wearing but shouldn't have been. I did buy 2 new pairs of jeans the other day, but my shopping trips are militaristic in their execution - in and out with no deviation - so I didn't even think to look for jumpers, nor did it even occur to me that I needed new ones.

I slightly drool out of the right side of my mouth. This is a dementia-related thing - v standard. The tongue is the only organ directly controlled by the brain (cool fact, eh?) and is responsible for swallowing so it all correlates with brain shrivel.

Heard some awful news about a poor woman who has FTD and is behaving completely inappropriately in front of her 2 year old daughter. So cruel isn't it? Her poor husband. 

One of these days there'll be drugs to prevent these dementias from taking hold. As advanced as our medicine is it will be too late for the likes of me. I'm resigned to that fact though, but I think the future is good for dementia treatment.

Btw (stands for 'by the way'), I couldn't think of a title for it and then the image of Peter Andre appeared like a vision. What a genius that man is. Remember Insania?

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